Unspoken Truth

Written by Jae C. Henderson April 2020

Dear Tristan,

You’re my little road dog, my ace, and the son I never thought I’d have. When you came into me and your Aunt Maggie’s life unexpectedly after your mom passed away, I made a promise that though I never intended to be a father, I’d treat you as if you were my own. You are my sister’s child, after all. You have her cheekbones and her gentle eyes. When I’d hold you as a baby, I could see my sister smiling back at me through you. While some called you a miracle baby, I always knew you were special. Not only because you survived against all odds, but because I knew your mother loved you so much that she spent her last breath in an attempt to bury her kind spirit in you when she gave you life. 

I’ve never wanted anything for you but to teach you all the things my father never taught me like how to be a good man, how to treat women, and that it's ok to cry or be in love or feel feelings. But, you see, you are also a black man in America and I had to learn the hard way what that meant. I landed myself in trouble more than a few times and didn't want you to experience the same fate. That’s why I’m hard on you Tre. Not despite love, but because of it. Since you were a toddler you loved all the beautiful things in the world. You never seemed to care much for playing with cars, planes, or dinosaurs like the other little boys, but you sure did love playdoh and glitter for some reason. I’d see you mimicking your Aunt Maggie some times and try to correct you, bringing you back to do whatever I was doing instead, but I could see in your little eyes that you longed to follow her and the other ladies instead. 

And well, not that you’ve gotten older, I have a feeling that you don't much care for some of the things that I thought you might. You seem to run away from sports and manual labor. You’ve never once mentioned having a crush on a girl or any girl besides your little friends. And where I first tried to correct you at age 5, I find myself now trying to let go and let you do what you need to do to be happy. I know you think I don't know about your little closet time, but boy let me tell you, I see just about everything that goes on in this house and well, I just don't say nothing about it. 

I see now that maybe teaching you to be a good man might look a little different than I first thought. I see now that maybe teaching first means learning from you on who and what you want to be. You see, the qualities of a good man are pretty much the same as being a good woman, I suppose. I want you to feel comfortable taking risks, making decisions, and sticking to your word because if you don't have your word, you ain't got nothin. I want you to be happy and not live in a mask. But I also have to protect you from the world, Tre, because outside of here, it can be a cruel place for black men and especially one who doesn't always come across the way they expect men to behave. This life you were granted is for livin', Tre. So whenever you’re ready to come out of that old flimsy closet, just know I will still be here and I will still love you just the same. 

Uncle Phil